Nightly Shenanigans

The other day, I posted an update on Facebook about ditching the gym and getting a milkshake instead. I took a lot of good-humored heat from my Kaia sisters on that post. Some even offered to talk me down off the ledge, but I had already jumped. The problem is, when I jump, I usually take a few people along with me.

I have this friend who is usually up to participate in all my crazy shenanigans. I will conceal her identity due to the fact that she is a fellow Kaia sister and I would hate for her to be drug into my open confession here. So, she, who shall not be named, and I decided a late night milkshake run was in order. Now mind you, this would be the second milkshake in two days for me, but how could I not share this goodness of sweet caramel ice cream mixed with little pieces of chewable crack salted toffee with my partner in crime?

When I should have been putting my kids to bed, I instead hopped into my husband’s beat up car in hopes that no one would recognize me, and headed down the street to pick up my nameless friend. We pulled through the drive through and ordered our sinfully goodness shakes. The words “I’m sorry, we are currently out of the salted caramel”, pierced our ears from the speaker and I died a little inside. “We have chocolate, and strawberry and vanilla,” the voice said. Heartbroken, we drove through the drive through without stopping to pick up the only thing we were there to get.

Luckily, there was another Carl’s Jr not too far from the first and so; my nameless partner and I made our way there. Again, we ordered our milkshakes and this time the voice said,
“I’m sorry, we are out of the salted toffee for those shakes. I can make you just a caramel one if you would like.”

Who in their right mind would even want that? That shake is nothing without the salted crack toffee. Again, we declined and drove through another drive through without our coveted shake.

Most normal people would have given up by then, but we are NOT normal and we were on a mission. Another Carl’s Jr was just a few miles away, but this time, we would call to see if they had every ingredient needed to make our shakes. AND.THEY.DID! We made our way there and ordered, for a third time that night, a Sea Salt and Caramel milkshake. This time, we left the drive through with the drug shakes, but our high from the score was shortly lived as we found out that all Carl’s Jr’s would be discontinuing this particular shake. Why would they do this to me? Poor Jennifer nameless friend. I just got her to try it and now it’s being ripped out from under her! How could this be happening to us?

We somberly sipped our shakes on the ride home but we weren’t quite finished with them when we pulled onto our street. What do you do when you have a half sipped milkshake and four ravenous kids in the house that should have been put to bed before the milkshake run? You sit in the car and finish that sucker and then throw all evidence of ever having it in the outside trash before walking in the door so you don’t have to share. And that’s precisely what my nameless friend and I did. There we were, hiding out inside the car at 10pm, slurping the delicious caramel shake and chewing the salted toffee, after traveling to three…THREE Carl’s Jr’s, laughing at how much work it took to satisfy our sweet tooth. It’s actually kind of sad if you think about it, but what’s an addict to do?

I’ve come to terms that it’s probably best that Carl’s Jr retire this shake. They told us it’s because the salted caramel breaks their cups and they have to throw more of them away than what they sell, but I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if the government found out that there was crack hidden in their shakes and threatened to revoke their food safety license if they didn’t fix the situation. Either way, the shakes are heading out and I might be a little bit sad about that.

Actually, I’m really sad about it!

I Kan Run

I was doing my hair and when I lifted my arm, I saw a bunch of bruises along it. I was wracking my brain trying to figure out how I got them, and then it hit me…That darn fence climb.

The chain link fence that separated Jennifer and I from our ride home was a good 10 feet tall. As we stood there looking at it, we had a choice to make. We could either walk back across the track and through the parking lot to our car OR we could channel our inner 10 year old selves and climb it, saving a much needed 5 minutes or so. Time was precious, so I shoved the toe of my shoe through that first opening in the fence and began to climb. I thought that after making it to the top, the hard part would be over, but I was sorely mistaken. I looked over at Jen who had already made it safely to the other side. She was fumbling around looking for her phone so she could open up the photo app to document my awkward fence climb. I'm all about documenting life's happenings but something tells me that if Jen would have gotten that picture, it would have looked something like this:

That was motivation enough for me to swing my leg over that fence and gracefully fall climb down the other side. While getting in the car to leave, I was reminded of two things from this fence climbing experience. 1. I can do hard things, and 2. I am clearly NOT 10 years old anymore. This dramatic climb was the ending of the last class of my first 7 week session of the "I Kan Run" program through Kaia FIT and boy did I go out with a bang! (I have bruises to show it.)

There's something to say about being part of a group. There is a lot of silent encouragement that happens there. The thought of joining the I Kan Run team didn't even cross my mind until posts were flying around Facebook about it. I had never had a desire to run… like ever! I thought long and hard before asking one simple question on a thread because I knew, once even an inclination of interest was out there for everyone to see, I was going to be bombarded with pressure encouragement to "just try it out".

I succumbed.

In the beginning, it was more like the I Kan "TRY" to Run program for me. Even though I had been killing it with Kaia workouts, I did not have the endurance for running. I was uncomfortable, I couldn't breath, and I was pretty much the last person to finish anything on the team. IT.WAS.HARD! I can not say enough about Kaia women though. Every single woman whether I know her name or not, is encouraging and supportive and most of all, Non-judgemental. That one special trait these women have, is one of the biggest reasons I am succeeding.

As the weeks went by, I learned quite a bit about running and sure enough, applying these things while I ran, made running easier and easier, except that it was still hard, but that was okay. I told myself after joining this team that I was going to do everything that the coaches asked of me to see if running could be a part of my life, and I did. I attended every single class and did every single homework assigned (some late, but it got done), I even went the extra mile (no pun intended), by adding more running to my daily routine. There were times when my negative mind would win, but that just encouraged me to do it again and do it better. This mentality is not of the girl who dwelled inside of me a year ago. That girl would have let her mind win and then would go and eat a cupcake to shut it up. That girl is dead. I have emerged from the ashes and am ready to shine.

The improvements I made in just seven short weeks are unbelievable. I shaved over a minute off of my timed mile and 5:21 off of my timed 5K. I have also developed a very very slight like/love for running (Just don't ask me while I'm in the middle of it, HA!) The funny thing about this entire running experience is that even though this session is over, I am not quitting because when I sign up for the next I Kan Run (Did I just type that?), I am determined to at least be in the middle of the pack instead of at the end.

I need to give a special shout out to my personal running coach who has been by my side with everything that I needed from her to succeed. You may remember her:

Heidi, Thank you!

And to all these women who have made it easier to roll out of bed and run before the sun comes up, I thank you too. I couldn't have asked for a better bunch of ladies to run next to in the wee hours of the morning.

Until next time!

Love Life

I got my Origami Owl Living Lockets today. I had a party a few weeks ago and my lockets are my reward for providing chocolate to a bunch of hormonal women while displaying cute and overpriced jewelry for them to buy. I don't normally have parties like these because it requires me to actually clean my house, but I fell in love with the story that I could create in these lockets using charms. Because I hate paying full price for things, I invited people who wouldn't mind doing just that and now I have TWO cute lockets, each with their own story!

Can I just tell you how in LOVE I am with them? My bracelet is dedicated to my family and includes the birthstones of all four of my kids, a wedding ring for Patrick and I ( easily removable if toilet paper hanging ends our marriage), and the word "love" all in front of a metal "family" metal stamped plate.

My necklace locket is dedicated to just me. I decided on the "love life" plate as the backdrop for my charms. I'm planning on a few more in the future but for now, I have an owl (I collect all thing owls except maybe real ones...maybe), a camera (I'm a photographer), A running shoe... A FRIGGIN' RUNNING SHOE! 

The fact that I just typed that, is the reason why there is also a compass. I am changing directions with my life and for once, I feel as if I have the correct tools to get me to my destination. There would have never been a running shoe in this locket six months ago but there is one in it today and that's all that matters to me, right now.

I love these lockets. They are MY special stories. There's a problem though... I HATE wearing jewelry! I get annoyed with any and all kinds no matter how pretty it is. Shoot, I can't even stand wearing my wedding ring! 

These lockets are going to look so freakin' cute in my jewelry box... I just know it!

The Great Debate

After 17 years of marriage, I've learned that in order to keep things interesting around my house, I've got to mess with the Mr. just a little bit. My latest shenanigan is centered around a very heated and favorite debatable topic. I'm not talking about religion. I'm not talking about equality. Heck, I'm not even talking about politics. What I am talking about is toilet paper.

The whole "How should you hang your toilet paper on the holder?" debate is getting pretty ridiculous if you ask me. The fact that just the other day, I read a heated Facebook thread, that consisted of hurt feelings and friend deletions over this exact issue, proves that this subject belongs right up there with the best of them. And this is why toilet paper, of all things, is worthy of a blog post from me.

Patrick is very particular about the way a new roll of toilet paper gets put on the holder. He likes it to hang over. I just like it to be put on the holder. It's very tempting to purposely put the toilet paper roll on the opposite way he likes, but when I do, he actually gets mad about it. The guy uses it maybe once a day. I use it like 100 times a day. I should totally have precedent on how the roll is hung, right? Wrong! I decided that in order to keep my marriage from ending in divorce by TP, I just need to hang the roll the way he likes it, and so I do.

The other day I was trying to use the restroom in peace but as many of you mothers know, if it's not your kids barging in on you, it's your man. The toilet paper had run out and I had grabbed a new roll as I sat down. I hadn't had the chance to even think about putting it on the holder before Mr. "I like my toilet paper hung over" made some comment about me NEVER putting the roll of toilet paper on the holder. Apparently, he doesn't realize that with four potty trained girls in the house, we go through almost a roll a day and 99% of the time, the toilet paper is hung properly to his specifications on the holder.

I've learned over the years to pick and choose my battles and have gotten really good at biting my tongue, but duuuuuuuude….I'm trying to pee in peace and you are getting on my last nerve! So, I not so nicely told him that I do put the roll on the holder almost daily and that from now on, I will NOT be putting the roll on the holder so that he can see how often I DO do it.

This whole interaction got me thinking about the differences between men and women. I've concluded that we are designed differently. Our bodies, our minds, and the way we do things are just different. Does this mean we can't co-exist because we like our toilet paper to hang opposite of each other? No.

I had joined a gym shortly before my Kaia adventure and there were numerous times that I felt inadequate in my workout endeavors there. I would plan on hitting the treadmill only to see some young good looking lads strategically placed on every other treadmill. This meant that I would have to squeeze between two of them and watch those strong youthful legs run at 7 mph for an hour without breaking a sweat while I heavily breathed in their ear walking at 3 mph. So, instead of approaching the treadmill with confidence, I opted for the lone stationary bike in the corner where no one could see or judge me and I quietly cursed those boys for making me feel the way I did. Surely it was all their fault, right?

I love that Kaia FIT is an all women's bootcamp. When I walked in for the first time, I was nervous. I hadn't slept much the night before in anticipation for this new experience. I was tired and I pretty much rolled right out of bed and straight into my car to get there on time. The eye boogers were still in my eyes and my hair was a mess, but on that very first day, I walked in and felt loved and accepted by ALL the women there, messy hair and all. In a few short days, my insecurities were left sleeping in my bed and I grew more and more confident in my balance level knee push-ups while others were clapping between their Kaia level ones. High-5's and "good job's" were given no matter WHAT level we each did and over time, I gained more confidence in myself and in my abilities. I don't know that I would have felt the same way if this was a co-ed class. The fact that I was able to fully be my uncoordinated weak self was and still is a true blessing.

Patrick likes his toilet paper hung one way and I don't really care which way it's hung. The fact of the matter is, we still both need and use toilet paper daily. We just like it differently. I like being in a class full of women. Patrick probably would too, but I doubt he would be comfortable working out in a room full of women. The point is, a class designed by women for women works for me because I'm a woman. Make sense?

After finishing up in the restroom, I left the roll of toilet paper on the counter for Patrick's next use. Later, I went back in and found the roll hung over on the holder perfect to his liking. Here's the deal, If you decide to come visit us is the near future, don't be surprised to see the roll of toilet paper off the holder, because every time Patrick puts the roll on the holder...I take it off, just to mess with him a little.

Perhaps one day he will learn that if you mess with the best…well, you know the rest.

Dang Candybars!

Do you think that 55 Burpees, 50 speed squats, 50 ball-ups, 50 squat Y's, 50 cobbler crunches, 50 tricep extensions, 50 high knees, 50 1-2-3 sit-ups, 50 1-2 sticks, and a mile and a half of walk running worked off the three candy bars I ate today?

Me neither.

Tomorrow's a new day…Thank goodness!

My Kaia Coaches

As you all may know, I wake up before the sun does to do my booty duty. Some may say that I'm crazy and I would probably have to agree. I'm not the only one who does this though. I got my front row peeps to share the love with me, and at 5am, the love is most likely a smile, a sweaty high five, or an eye roll because we were just told to do 60 seconds of Burpees! I may work and sweat and pee my pants a little (dang double unders!), but the hardest part for me is to just show up. I don't see the behind the scenes work the Kaia coaches do, but I do imagine them sitting around in their lairs homes planning our next workout. I'm sure it looks kind of like this:

Regardless, I really feel like they are a part of my team and along with my front row, middle rows, and back row peeps, they too are my Kaia sisters. I won't be giving full names because as far as I know, these ladies are not bloggers and probably won't approve of offbeat internet stalkers knowing their full names and staring at their personal photos, but here we all are, dark and early, all with similar goals and I can't help but think of that Sesame Street song titled "One of These Things is Not Like the Other". If you put us 5 ladies together, I'm pretty sure that would be our theme song.

You see, If we were celebrities, Carol would look like this:

She's my cheerleader no matter what corner (good corner, sucky corner, and the "I don't want to do it" corner) I'm in.

Heidi would look like this:

She's my no nonsense, hardcore, "Let me see yours" motivator whose arms everyone wish they had.

Alicia would look like this:

She's the class clown who can entertain and joke with the best of us all the while killing it on the floor.

Lisa would look like this:

Her never ending smiling face greets me at the door and makes me forget what kind of torture I'm about to endure.






and I…I would look like this (sigh):

Most mornings, a deer in the headlights.

Clearly, there's one who doesn't quite belong. But here's the funny thing, I DO belong and I fit right in and that's the beauty of Kaia FIT. Women of all different shapes and sizes, all different levels, all different ages, join together for one common goal. A goal to be healthy.

Sure, there are days when I feel like this:

and I look like this:

But when I'm done, I totally feel like this:

Currently, I am with these women 4-6 days of the week and that alone has added to my coolness bank. It's hard to define these beautiful women in just a few words. Cheerleader, Motivator, Entertainer, and Smiler are pieces of a much bigger puzzle. The truth of the matter is that they have been an inspiration to me not only because they look like this:

but because they make me feel like this:

Even though, I really just look like this:

and THAT is worth every single sunless 4:15am wake-up.

*DISCLAIMER*
THE PHOTOS CHOSEN TO DEPICT EACH INDIVIDUAL WAS SOLEY BASED ON LOOKS AND NOT BASED ON THE CELEBRITIES PERSONAL LIVES. THIS POST WAS BY NO MEANS INTENDED TO OFFEND ANYONE. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A LOT HARDER TO CHOOSE PHOTOS BASED ON LOOKS AND PERSONALITIES. I'M JUST REALLY GLAD AND RELIEVED THAT I DIDN'T HAVE TO USE A PICTURE OF MILEY CYRUS. *PHEW*

Change

Deep down I knew that my health problems stemmed from the things I chose to fuel my body with. When the doctor threw the word "hereditary" out, I immediately forgot her advise about food choices and clung to that word. Of course it wasn't my fault. It was my dad's. He's the one who had kidney stones, so I must have got it from him. There is something about that kind of thought process that is really jacked up. I'm embarrassed that I used the "I have crappy genes" line on my own self. But I knew. I knew that my health problems were mostly because I was making terrible food choices.

The diagnosis from my symptoms of chronic side pain was a few monstrous kidney stones. One, the size of my pointer finger fingernail had no chance of making it's way out of my body without a little medical intervention. The other, half that size, stuck in my ureter causing my kidney to swell and lose function. Being told that I was going to have to have both these stones surgically removed was the beginning of my entrance to reality. I will spare you the gruesome details of that surgery and recovery as they weren't pleasant, but I will tell you this... I was M.I.S.E.R.A.B.L.E!

The reality of my situation really manifested during my recovery. I had a stent placed in my ureter (tube that leads from the kidney to the bladder) to allow healing. If I could have ripped that thing out myself, I swear I would have. Every single minute of every single day for two weeks straight, I was reminded that I had made very poor food choices and that there was no way in hell I would ever…EVER want to go through that again, and so, I decided that it was time to take another path and change (real change, not like Obama's change).

Seven months later, I have seen and felt the benefits of my changes. I went to a follow up appointment where the doctor told me that I am stone free and that all my labs look really really good. She thanked me for not having to do what she claimed was 90% of her job, which was ranting to the patient over and over and over again about making the necessary changes to prevent things like monstrous kidney stones from forming. She told me that I have been doing everything right and to keep it up. For once, I felt really good leaving the doctor's office.

The suggestions and advice that I used to think were nonsense and didn't apply to me have awoken some part of my brain to the truth. The truth that eating less and moving more is the only real way to lose weight and be healthy. Other factors like getting enough sleep, drinking a lot of water, meditating, and having healthy relationships all play a role in a more healthy life as well. I now know that all these things really do work. There is no quick fix and the fixes are basic and simple. I am grateful for this knowledge. I am grateful that for once, I don't feel out of control but rather in control of so many aspects of my life. This knowledge is true freedom. This knowledge is empowering. This knowledge will change me.